Uncover Within

Posts

Alignment

Pleasing colleagues. Pleasing your boss. Pleasing you friends. Pleasing your family. Pleasing your partner. These are the thoughts that race through my head daily. Every move I make is so calculated, so thought out, and the constant chatter that engulfs my mind and body is: What do people think of me? It is so exhausting, being a person whose entire self-confidence, self-love, and happiness comes from other people's perceptions of me. Even when I am being "authentic" there is a lens to it- I will be only authentic enough to please the people around me. I will seem wholesome, and pure, and content because this is valued. But at the same time when I smile and take a picture I am sucking in my stomach, showing off a new outfit, wearing make up, so I can show the world that yes, I have it all- I am whole, and beautiful, and confident, and happy. It is all completely not genuine and I am calling myself out in this post. I have always let the world around me infl...

Seeking Validation

Whenever I tell people that I am an extrovert, the response I always get is so positive. “Wow it must be so easy for you to connect with people,” and “you probably have so much fun in social settings.” Although these statements have some truth to it, no one expresses the struggles that come with being an extrovert... The constant needing to fit in, the utter fear of being alone, of not being loved, not being valued. I’m sure everyone, not just extroverts, go through these struggles, but for me, as someone who thrive’s from validation from my friends, family and coworkers, being true to myself is so difficult. I find myself constantly trying to impress, constantly trying to be exciting, cool, fun, smart, wholesome...all so I can feel love and validation from others. I’m going through some really big and exciting life changes right now, I’m going to be moving to NYC in a couple of weeks, I am starting a new job, and a lot of these life events are going to c...

The Subtle Art of Success in Corporate America

Corporate Reflection #1~ I usually keep this blog to highlight my reflections on life, relationships, and spirituality. However, I’m gonna start disrupting the content on here, to post realizations I have about Corporate America, as a relatively new graduate in the workforce. So many times, when we get really intense feedback at work, we have to learn to “grow thick skin” to understand where the feedback is coming from, realize it’s not personal, but given to us so that we can produce the best work possible and grow in the process. But sometimes, especially as a junior member, I get feedback that doesn’t really make sense to me. And when I push for more explanation on why I am being told to write something a certain way or verify something that I thought was already very clear, I’m just told to “follow the process” and “I’ll learn as I get more experience.” Recently I had gotten my documentation reviewed so many times and still I was getting co...

Restless

Impatient. Frustrated. Annoyed. Confused. Scared. So scared. Two weeks ago, I hit the six month mark at my job. As my coach gave me an amusing congratulations, and the other analysts and I breathed a sigh of relief that we had made it this far, I felt the strangest wave of panic pinch my heart. As I sat at my desk staring out the window at the buildings that had once brought me so much wonder and excitement, I felt unease. Here I am a college-educated woman, with a competitive first job, working in the city of my dreams, surrounded by intelligent and kind people, and all I feel is dissonance. A feeling that I don't belong, that I am incomplete, that I am not aligned. It's interesting...when we're in school all we want is to get hired, to be able to prove that the money and time we had spent in our education was meaningful, but what happens when we make that leap and begin working? A couple days go by and the new wears off, a couple weeks go by and we begin wishing fo...

Morning Commute

Morning Commute: Trains. Crowds. Hustle. Late. These are the words that summarize my morning commute. Working in NY and living in NJ can be exhausting. I have large bags carrying lunch, gym clothes, snacks, make up, and all other necessities that are needed for being out for ten hours at a time. I have blisters from running to catch the train, and heavy coats and scarves to cover my freezing body and chapped face as I walk to the crowded streets of the Financial District to get to my office. The entire ordeal is insanity mixed with stress, and topped off with angry looks when I show up five minutes late to the 9 am meeting... Commuting can suck the life out of me, and leave me feeling so exhausted, frustrated, and angry (especially when the trains are canceled or running late) so what can I do? How can I make this entire process pleasure instead of pain? By making my commute my ME time. My morning commute time is the time that I disconnect from my phone, a...

Gasping for Air

I feel like I'm drowning. Drowning in a vast ocean of expectations, of rules that do not stay afloat in my head, and fear being the anchor that instead of holding me up, is sinking me further into the darkest and deepest pits of the sea. Here I am A Woman, who was told as a little girl to dream big. To fight for what I believe in, to use my charismatic energy and intuitive mind to ask the hard questions, to push myself, and to empower others. And now here I am. The same little girl, twenty years later, told that I may be "too confident," "too powerful," "too opinionated." They wonder if I have respect, respect for the traditions, for the customs, for the role A Woman plays in Hindu culture. But what does it really mean to be a Hindu Woman? To be Mother Kunti and watch your sons go through every misery possible, and still pray to Krishna for more misery because it has taught you how to devote your love to what is the most important: serving God. T...