I feel like I'm drowning. Drowning in a vast ocean of expectations, of rules that do not stay afloat in my head, and fear being the anchor that instead of holding me up, is sinking me further into the darkest and deepest pits of the sea.
Here I am A Woman, who was told as a little girl to dream big. To fight for what I believe in, to use my charismatic energy and intuitive mind to ask the hard questions, to push myself, and to empower others. And now here I am. The same little girl, twenty years later, told that I may be "too confident," "too powerful," "too opinionated."
They wonder if I have respect, respect for the traditions, for the customs, for the role A Woman plays in Hindu culture. But what does it really mean to be a Hindu Woman?
To be Mother Kunti and watch your sons go through every misery possible, and still pray to Krishna for more misery because it has taught you how to devote your love to what is the most important: serving God. To be Queen Draupadi, who faced humiliation, pain, and anger, in a court room filled with her family, husbands, and well-wishers and threw her hands up in complete helplessness begging God to help and it was God, not a mortal man, who came to protect her honor. To be Mother Devaki, and be imprisoned by your own brother for 14 years, 14 years of not being a queen, 14 years of not being connected to your family and friends, 14 years of living in separation from your son, the beautiful Lord Krishna, and being so brave, so strong, so virtuous because all you wanted was his safety.
This is what it means to be an Indian Woman. To protect the ones you love, serve God, and empower those around you. To have the rich land of Bharat run through your veins, and give you your sun-kissed complexion, to have the eyes that carry the wisdom of all the women who came before you, and holding a smile and secret for all the women to come after you, and the hair, the hair that grows so thick and flows as effortlessly as the Ganga that you wrap around your tired head as you take all the hurt, all the pain, all the anger and push yourself to do it all. Be a mother, a wife, a professional, a friend, a devotee....
This is an Indian Woman. Holding her roots so deep within her, and fighting for her rights. Her rights to speak, to write, to be educated, to cook, or to not cook, to be docile, to be wild, to be shy, to scream, to be timid, to be confident, to cry, to laugh, to serve, to pray, to BE.
So do not tell me that I do not understand what our culture entails. Do not tell me that I do not respect our values. Do not tell me that I am less because I have an opinion that I will share with the world, do NOT drown me in your expectations.
I will climb onto the tallest mountain and reach the highest peak. And I will watch below as the ocean that was so vast and was drowning me becomes a tiny blue speck. I will laugh at its irrelevancy to my life, and let the cool, crisp air around me engulf me into my connection with the Divine and my soul. I will then close my eyes content. Content with my true identity.
Here I am A Woman, who was told as a little girl to dream big. To fight for what I believe in, to use my charismatic energy and intuitive mind to ask the hard questions, to push myself, and to empower others. And now here I am. The same little girl, twenty years later, told that I may be "too confident," "too powerful," "too opinionated."
They wonder if I have respect, respect for the traditions, for the customs, for the role A Woman plays in Hindu culture. But what does it really mean to be a Hindu Woman?
To be Mother Kunti and watch your sons go through every misery possible, and still pray to Krishna for more misery because it has taught you how to devote your love to what is the most important: serving God. To be Queen Draupadi, who faced humiliation, pain, and anger, in a court room filled with her family, husbands, and well-wishers and threw her hands up in complete helplessness begging God to help and it was God, not a mortal man, who came to protect her honor. To be Mother Devaki, and be imprisoned by your own brother for 14 years, 14 years of not being a queen, 14 years of not being connected to your family and friends, 14 years of living in separation from your son, the beautiful Lord Krishna, and being so brave, so strong, so virtuous because all you wanted was his safety.
This is what it means to be an Indian Woman. To protect the ones you love, serve God, and empower those around you. To have the rich land of Bharat run through your veins, and give you your sun-kissed complexion, to have the eyes that carry the wisdom of all the women who came before you, and holding a smile and secret for all the women to come after you, and the hair, the hair that grows so thick and flows as effortlessly as the Ganga that you wrap around your tired head as you take all the hurt, all the pain, all the anger and push yourself to do it all. Be a mother, a wife, a professional, a friend, a devotee....
This is an Indian Woman. Holding her roots so deep within her, and fighting for her rights. Her rights to speak, to write, to be educated, to cook, or to not cook, to be docile, to be wild, to be shy, to scream, to be timid, to be confident, to cry, to laugh, to serve, to pray, to BE.
So do not tell me that I do not understand what our culture entails. Do not tell me that I do not respect our values. Do not tell me that I am less because I have an opinion that I will share with the world, do NOT drown me in your expectations.
I will climb onto the tallest mountain and reach the highest peak. And I will watch below as the ocean that was so vast and was drowning me becomes a tiny blue speck. I will laugh at its irrelevancy to my life, and let the cool, crisp air around me engulf me into my connection with the Divine and my soul. I will then close my eyes content. Content with my true identity.
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