Seeking Validation

Whenever I tell people that I am an extrovert, the response I always get is so positive. “Wow it must be so easy for you to connect with people,” and “you probably have so much fun in social settings.” Although these statements have some truth to it, no one expresses the struggles that come with being an extrovert...

The constant needing to fit in, the utter fear of being alone, of not being loved, not being valued. I’m sure everyone, not just extroverts, go through these struggles, but for me, as someone who thrive’s from validation from my friends, family and coworkers, being true to myself is so difficult. I find myself constantly trying to impress, constantly trying to be exciting, cool, fun, smart, wholesome...all so I can feel love and validation from others. 

I’m going through some really big and exciting life changes right now, I’m going to be moving to NYC in a couple of weeks, I am starting a new job, and a lot of these life events  are going to change my surrounding environment, and the people in it. I am realizing that I have a very clear choice in front of me, 

Do I continue to get my validation from the people and places around me? Or do I begin the scary process of trusting myself and my values, trusting God, and allowing my soul to speak out what I truly need, not what my mind or senses are telling me I need? 

It’s going to be a difficult journey...making choices that are for your peace, health, and connection to God are never easy choices; people always make it sound like they are, but It’s hard to say no to people you love-even if they can bring out unhealthy parts of you. It’s hard to say no to going to events and places that’ll give you short term enjoyment- even though you know in the long term you’ll regret it..it’s hard to say no. 

For an extrovert, saying no to people and places that don’t bring you closer to yourself and God, means you’re finally allowing yourself to be vulnerable, And that’s not an easy feeling...being vulnerable for an extrovert like me means allowing myself to finally learn how to be content with solitude. To choose myself as company rather than seeking validation from others. 

It’ll be a scary process....but what I can obtain from it is incredible. I can finally allow myself to tap into my true energy and potential, tap into my soul, and tap into my relationship with God. Once I am true to myself, I will be inviting in the energy of the people and the circumstances I want in my life to make me content. I can begin establishing those meaningful, and impactful friendships and discover real self-love. 

So for the first time in my life I am going to choose ME. Not what my mind is telling me I want, but what my soul is telling me I need. I am going to choose very carefully how I value my time and the people and places that fill up that time. And whenever I get confused or lost, and revert back to seeking validation from people and places, my prayer is that God will remind me that staying true to my soul, and my relationship with him is the greatest love and happiness I can ever find. And it’s the only validation that I need.