I feel like I am carrying around a mucky heart. A heart full of love, full of people, places, personalities but a heart that is not satisfied. I feel like my heart is on an arduous journey, constantly searching for attributes in people, personal endeavors, and experiences, that will make me fulfilled, wholesome, and content, but it is coming out less full and more mucky than before the journey began.
The discovery that will bring my heart the lightness and purity it needs is coming to me, hazily and distant in the horizon of my long journey, but coming closer into focus every day. To make my heart finally rich is to align it with the soul. That alignment between the soul, heart, and mind, will bring me to the undiscovered, most exquisite and most breathtaking destination of my journey. A cove so serene, so mystical, so fulfilling that I will not even fathom to continue onwards on my journey.
How do I reach this destination? I will try, through my meditation, through my reading, and my intimate relationships that are opening up hearts and minds and not sharing mundane and trivial gossip and drama. I have been starving my poor soul for so long and I am feeling the lasting effect of it. The feeling of incompleteness even when around a crowd of people, the feeling of mediocrity even when on a successful path, the feeling of being unappreciated, undervalued, and useless even when love and laughter fills my life. It is because the common factor in all of this is not the people or the places, its ME, and my inability to nourish what is the most important. That lack of nourishment is causing all other areas of my life to feel bland, inconsequential, and mediocre. This feeling of mediocrity, is what is making me want to become more controlling, more invested, more neurotic, so that I can make those moments fill the void in my heart, when ultimately, my perception of those moments is what is being deceived. Until I can love and nourish my true self, and honor my soul's relationship to Krishna and make an HONEST and DETERMINED and SINCERE effort to bring that relationship and desire for self-discovery into fruition, life will always be mundane, will always be insatiable, and will leave me feeling unfulfilled and mucky.
The discovery that will bring my heart the lightness and purity it needs is coming to me, hazily and distant in the horizon of my long journey, but coming closer into focus every day. To make my heart finally rich is to align it with the soul. That alignment between the soul, heart, and mind, will bring me to the undiscovered, most exquisite and most breathtaking destination of my journey. A cove so serene, so mystical, so fulfilling that I will not even fathom to continue onwards on my journey.
How do I reach this destination? I will try, through my meditation, through my reading, and my intimate relationships that are opening up hearts and minds and not sharing mundane and trivial gossip and drama. I have been starving my poor soul for so long and I am feeling the lasting effect of it. The feeling of incompleteness even when around a crowd of people, the feeling of mediocrity even when on a successful path, the feeling of being unappreciated, undervalued, and useless even when love and laughter fills my life. It is because the common factor in all of this is not the people or the places, its ME, and my inability to nourish what is the most important. That lack of nourishment is causing all other areas of my life to feel bland, inconsequential, and mediocre. This feeling of mediocrity, is what is making me want to become more controlling, more invested, more neurotic, so that I can make those moments fill the void in my heart, when ultimately, my perception of those moments is what is being deceived. Until I can love and nourish my true self, and honor my soul's relationship to Krishna and make an HONEST and DETERMINED and SINCERE effort to bring that relationship and desire for self-discovery into fruition, life will always be mundane, will always be insatiable, and will leave me feeling unfulfilled and mucky.
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