Empty. That's how I felt after graduation. The short burst of jubilation for finally wearing the robe, walking down the aisle, taking pictures with friends and family, it was all a whirlwind of activity, and after the hugs, the flowers, the gifts, the congrats and the praise, all I felt was alone. Alone and confused.
Since I was four-years old, my life has revolved around school. In Sanskrit there is a beautiful word, called dharma. Dharma means duty, and the Gita, the sacred text of India, explains that one must do their prescribed duties in service to God. For me, my dharma has been to be a student. Learning is my passion and the identity of being a student is what I carried so strongly and proudly from grade school, to high school, and finally, to college. As I walked across the aisle smiling at my parents, all I could feel was the panic bubbling inside of me. This was it. I wasn't a student who could stay up late with my best friends, stressing about exams, drinking coffee and praying for finals to be over. I wasn't a student who could be inspired by professors and classmates and find new passions and ideas in the courses I was taking. I wasn't a student who at 3 am could walk down the hall to my best friend sleeping in our apartment and wake her up with the frivolous drama that was keeping me up. I wasn't a student who could laugh carelessly, cry obsessively, and love endlessly knowing that my whole world was a tiny bubble that could never break. That bubble burst, so forcefully, that the aftermath has left me breathless and uneasy. Here I was, graduated, with no plans of being a student any time soon, starting a job in the city in less than 3 months, confused at "how to adult" and completely and utterly lost at my dharma.
So I did what any suburban, post-grad life crisis, 22 year old would do. I packed my life in a suitcase, (backpack was way too austere for me), dug for my passport and journal, and with the funniest, quirkiest, and most love-able travel buddy, began the adventure of discovering my new dharma, my new identity, and my new purpose.
Since I was four-years old, my life has revolved around school. In Sanskrit there is a beautiful word, called dharma. Dharma means duty, and the Gita, the sacred text of India, explains that one must do their prescribed duties in service to God. For me, my dharma has been to be a student. Learning is my passion and the identity of being a student is what I carried so strongly and proudly from grade school, to high school, and finally, to college. As I walked across the aisle smiling at my parents, all I could feel was the panic bubbling inside of me. This was it. I wasn't a student who could stay up late with my best friends, stressing about exams, drinking coffee and praying for finals to be over. I wasn't a student who could be inspired by professors and classmates and find new passions and ideas in the courses I was taking. I wasn't a student who at 3 am could walk down the hall to my best friend sleeping in our apartment and wake her up with the frivolous drama that was keeping me up. I wasn't a student who could laugh carelessly, cry obsessively, and love endlessly knowing that my whole world was a tiny bubble that could never break. That bubble burst, so forcefully, that the aftermath has left me breathless and uneasy. Here I was, graduated, with no plans of being a student any time soon, starting a job in the city in less than 3 months, confused at "how to adult" and completely and utterly lost at my dharma.
So I did what any suburban, post-grad life crisis, 22 year old would do. I packed my life in a suitcase, (backpack was way too austere for me), dug for my passport and journal, and with the funniest, quirkiest, and most love-able travel buddy, began the adventure of discovering my new dharma, my new identity, and my new purpose.
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